Mending

It's been 3 years today...

I read an article a few months after we buried Mark's dad and my mom. It was an article on how men grieve. One story has stuck with me...
a man went out in the woods and struck a tree, damaging the trunk, and stripping away some of it's bark. Periodically, this man would come back to the tree to see how the tree was mending...reminding him of how he was mending too.
How long does grieving take? This is what we all want answered in those moments when you can't breathe and your heart aches and there is nothing that can stop it or make it go away. Someone told me that how important the person was that you are grieving for, determines the length of your grief. No magical date...no set timeline.
When a tree is wounded, it must grow over and compartmentalize the wound. As a result, the wound is contained within the tree forever.
What I have found out is I will never be the same...the scars are there for good. What we become is up to us...we can allow the creator to mold us and teach us, refining us into something rare, something beautiful, or we can be stifled by fear and anger.
As I see the scars in my life I feel loved by a God who gives me life in death, gifts in emptiness. Wrestling like Jacob to receive the blessing in this lonely place...I choose to walk with a limp, to be with Him in the most intimate way, as a shepherd carries His lame sheep on His shoulders...let Him heal you and teach the beauty that is right in your midst.
In my mind I walk to the tree and see the scar and don't deny the pain, but I know that God is healing me, teaching me, refining me.
This season as we celebrate the gift of Jesus, I pray your thoughts will bring you back.to the the gift that has been given to us,Jesus...everyday since His coming has been reason to celebrate. We have victory over death!

A Father's Love

I got a phone call the other day. It was unexpected. Most of my days I concentrate on the focus to get through the day until something stops me and says, "Can you hear me?" The Holy Spirit is sweet and gentle...sometimes easy to miss if you are too busy trying to beat the clock or check off the next item on your list.
It was my dad. I was taken back in time. We connected with the love of the Father as the love of a father reached out for connection. I am thankful for an earthly father who is not perfect but flawed. He is proof of amazing grace transformation through the redeeming love of God for a poor, motherless, and needy boy. It teaches me that I too, with all my flaws, can be loved like this...and points me towards my heavenly father. The one who never disappoints, never fails.
At my father-in-law's funeral my husband, Mark, shared a memory from his childhood... a memory of a defining moment for him. In a game of capture the flag, my father-in-law managed to cross enemy lines and was coming to save one of his captured teammates and take them back to safety. Mark was just a boy, and looking around at his fellow teammates and how big and strong they all were in comparison, decided that he would not be the chosen one. But he was wrong, his dad chose him. In that moment he felt valued, by the love of a father who, he knew then, would always choose him.
Not everyone can relate to this story. You may have very painful memories of your father, too painful to revisit. But whatever makes you run towards God and His unfailing love, even when painful, is a gift. God chooses you...he always chooses you. He chooses you, not for what you are, or can give, or have come from, but just for you.

I am thankful today for the flaws and the pain that keep me going back to the one who is spotless. I keep running back and holding tight. He won't leave me...and I am grateful...that my father, in his imperfections,in his redemption,and in his want, pointed me to my Father, and showed me what true love is.

Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. Ephesians 3:17-19 (NLT)

Running the Race

I have always loved to run, mostly, as fast as I could. It is all I could endure, a quick 100 meter dash...the exhilarating experience of a fast and furious race. Now that I am older and more mature *cough, cough, wink* I have made myself endure the discipline of long distance running. Training long distance is different than training for a 100 meter dash. It's long, painful, long, sweaty, long...you get the gist. What started out as a physical discipline has saturated my life with so many spiritual lessons to grow on.
So let me share a few 'lessons" for life, God has whispered in my ear as I have sweated and panted, sweated and prayed, and endured one more mile.
~Number one rule to running long distance is to keep going, even when you think you can't. Sometimes you may be tempted to quit or take a break, but it is in those times that if you just breathe in Jesus and remember He gives you strength, your next stride gets easier, and when you relax your whole body works better.
~There will be pain involved. No way around it, there will be pain, unless, you are not running the race to win the prize. There are different kinds of pain. Some pain is not so serious that you need to stop, but should keep going. I have found that my wimpy-ness can get the better of me and I can psych myself into quitting, but once determined to keep going, have found that the pain turns out to be small, insignificant, and slowly goes away as I keep everything in perspective.
The other type of pain is more serious, and might even take you down if you try to run through it...there will be no mistaking this pain. The only way to overcome this is to rest. God sometimes takes us out of commission when we don't take our selves out, when we need to rest and refuel and healing, in Him.
~Your race is your race. Don't be tempted to hop lanes and try to run someone else's race, but instead learn from them and remember that each one has been training in ways and length that you have not. God gives us exactly what we need for our race.

~When you fall or trip, get up and keep going. You may feel embarrassed or lose faith in yourself but here is the great thing; it is not about you it is about Jesus, and His grace for you. He will honor your efforts and faith to trust Him. His grace is sufficient for you, even in the middle of shame. He will help you up and see you to the finish line, if you let Him.
~Some days will feel lonely and there will be no one to cheer you on to the finish. On these days your coach, Jesus, whispers in your ear, "you can do it! I made you for this and I am right here... I will never leave you... I delight in you!"

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." Heb.12:1

Not of This World

"...And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have opportunity to return. Instead, they were longing for a better country- a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he had prepared a city for them." Heb. 11:13-16

The longer I am in missions the more I am an alien. Whether we are in Russia or in America, I always feel a little "out of the loop". There are some logical reasons for this and then there is the fact that no matter what, I will never fit in.
3 of my children attended public school this year. Haillie had the hardest time having to attend high school. She came home daily with new details of her foreign experience from the cursing and back talking to new things she had no clue about like prom! Things I never thought to prepare her for were amusing and sometimes sad to me. Sad to know the struggles of the American teen and that she is in the obvious minority with her stance on morality and ethics. She was definitely challenged in her balance of being bold and gracious.
Community is nice, belonging to a group is a wonderful comfort. The truth is community can sometimes be a hindrance to growth, so far our life has taught my girl to not be afraid to be different and to be true to her convictions. More challenging are those of you who fight against conforming in a world that has been "home" all your life. Not until I left my "home" in America have I ever been faced with the reality of my idols. Over the years I have been stripped of many of them, but I find that it is easy to blend, easy to get back into bad habits. So I am challenged and challenge you wherever you are to live as a foreigner in a foreign land.

"Some faced jeers and flogging, and even chains and imprisonment. They were put to death by stoning;they were sawed in two; they were killed by the sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted and mistreated— the world was not worthy of them." Heb.11:37-38

Merry Christmas

We have traveled "home" for Christmas and for some time of touring and sharing with our supporters. The trip was not bad and the frenzy of closing up house in Russia went rather smoothly. As I prepared for this trip, taking a deep breath so to speak and realizing the changes that we were facing, I could only think of what it might feel like for Moses, Abraham, or Jacob...to leave a place they knew as God lead them to a new place. We, unlike them, are not relocating to a "new" place in a physical sense, but in a metaphoric way. In these times of vulnerability it seems that God cuts out a safe place for us and we end up feeling like we are blessed beyond measure. I keep coming back to the reality that less is really more, pain is growth, submission is freedom, and home is relative.
Reflecting on the year I can say in our travels and through some hard times that we are amazingly blessed with the most important things in life. This Christmas is a perfect reminder to us that the best things in life can't be bought but only cherished.


As I was writing this we were informed that we were granted temporary residency in Russia! A very special Christmas gift after many obstacles and proving His faithfulness.

Our eyes are set on the horizon, looking toward an exciting future for reaching the toughest areas of Russia with news of a loving God who sent His son Jesus to save them.

Merry Christmas!

"The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth." John 1:14

Planes, trains, and automobiles

Since coming to Russia 10 years ago my family has traveled thousands of miles in several different modes of transportation. 2 of them, starting from infancy, have accumulated more frequent flier miles than most people do in a lifetime.

But over these last 4 years we have felt more like contestants on the Amazing Race, having to leave the country for visa renewal many times more than anticipated (due to some changes in the laws), consuming our time, resources, and energy; all to live in Russia.
We have traveled 32 hours straight over the worst roads I have ever encountered; the kids have had the exhilaration of jumping on to a moving train on our travel from Kiev to K-dar this summer; and our most recent adventure of our vehicle breaking down in the middle of Nowhere, Ukraine.

That adventure will not soon be forgotten...from the close to freezing weather that we slept in for 4 hours with clothes piled over us for warmth, to the beautiful sight of, Igor, from Moldova, driving up at 2 in the morning after being harassed at 3 different borders for not having the right paperwork (this ended in him paying a small "fine" to get through and is one of those times I am thankful for the "system" here). So after climbing into that warm van, I gave that boy a big hug...I held back the kiss which he thanked me for later. And with great favor from the Lord, the car was towed back to Moldova with no problems. We ended this adventure leaving our "stead" behind and flying home, with no complaints by me.

In our 2 terms that we have been on the field in Russia our vehicle has traveled over 200,000 miles, in 10 different countries, through mountains, rivers, off-road and wilderness terrain, roads that have no business being called a road... in rain, hail, sleet and Russian snow; our vehicle has traveled it all. We have transported not only people but camping gear, Royal Ranger material, equipment for evangelism, and helped in moving not just our household but many other M's on the field. It has served well and we hope after some fixing, will continue to serve.

So here is an amazing fact...since 1944 A/G youth have been raising funds for every M on the field to have transportation and equipment needed to reach the lost. The total in giving since then has been estimated to be 300 million.
So to all you amazing teens out there we say, thank you! You are helping us Speed-the-Light to countless youth just like you, not just in Russia but beyond the borders throughout Eurasia through your giving and generosity. We are gearing up for another term and we look forward to the next four years of more travel adventures to reach the lost with the gospel, whatever way we can get there and with your help!

my special gift

So, I missed writing about my precious daughter on her special day and so I will dedicate this post to her.
I just had a birthday yesterday, 4 decades...yes, it is the big one (one of them anyways)and we had a little gathering at a friends to celebrate. My wonderful daughter gifted me with a special poem she wrote for me. Before I share it I want to say that through this season of grief in my life I have found my relationship with my daughter to be more precious and comforting to me than ever before. She blesses me with hugs and words of love at moments when (unknowing to her) I needed it the most. When I long to hear my mom's voice it seems that God sends my daughter to whisper, "I love you!" in my ear. Oh, how sweet...I have discovered in my loss the gift that goes on... this mother daughter relationship.
Haillie Scout is now 15 and has been my strong-willed child, very conscientious, methodical, unique, creative, assertive, smart...I have lots of words for her. She is an amazing girl whom I always said would some day change the world. She has been my biggest lesson and gift from God.


WHAT MOTHERS DO

This is what those mothers do,
To speak the words, "I love you"
She listens while you rave and rant
And while you scream, "I just can't!"
Quietly tells you, "You are wrong."
And pushes you right along.

That's just what those mothers do
To speak the words, "I love you."

She sits near and braids your hair
Because to try, you didn't dare
Of course she'll whisper in your ear
"You're beautiful" then hugs you near

That's just what those mothers do
To speak the words, "I love you"

She'll always kiss you, clean or dirty
Even when you're old and thirty
But when you're bad and got the cranks
She won't hesitate to give you spanks!

That's just what those mothers do
To say the words, " I love you."

Dad's are great, (though some do harm)
They just lack that motherly charm
No one can love you like a mother
The truth is, you need each other

So when your mother kisses your cheek
Or comes in uninvited just for a peek
Remember that's just what those mothers do
To speak the words, "I love you."


Hallie Scout LaRue Broberg