A Friend Loves at All Times

In my growing up years...when I was just a duckling learning to swim in the pond of life, my pond felt more like an ocean.  I was scared of my own shadow, as my dad would say, and I did not like change. But change we did...houses, schools, cities...and it was hard on this introverted little girl.  Then I met Jamie and Amy and my whole life begin to take on a new perspective. 

Me, Monica (cousin) and my sister Kelly.  Monica battled cancer but is in heaven now.

Now I am at a threshold of a room full of new friends who are anxious to know me, it seems such a long time away from that pond and that scared little duckling. I am quite different but the same.  I have learned to adapt and I have learned to swim with the help of my duckling friends who have traveled with me along the way.

Tina, Maria, and me. College friends who confused everyone by looking similar.

 So as I was thinking about this, names, faces, and memories of friends past were filling my mind. I can hear myself sharing stories of so many friends that I have lived life with, all with a unique place in my heart. I can say I have been blessed with the best friends over a lifetime that anyone could ever hope to have, each one teaching me something about life, about myself, about God's love that was unique to them.  My sister taught me so many things I don't think I can list them all but I will say she made life beautiful by shielding me from the ugly reality of life. I never really realized this until I was an adult. Jamie gave me confidence, taught me the love of music and how to sing. Rhea and Sonya showed me the strength quiet subtle people have and the art of giggling: Kerry helped me find my keys, helped me to think practical and is a faithful friend. Amy was accepting and sincere. Tina made me laugh a lot and kept me real. Becca loved everyone and everyone loved her she is a faithful true friend. Dina, represents so many great memories in my life, I am so thankful for a cousin who has been my lifelong friend and confidant.  Karin will always be my kindred a true servant friend with a big heart. Christine, Inna, Terri and Beth walked with me and listened to me during my darkest time of life so far, thank you. Nancy is all that I am not and makes me look at things in a different way. My sister-in-laws have been constant friends over all these years and have seen it all and still continue to be my friends. My mother whose passing has left a big hole in my life can never be replaced, who can you go to for anything and everything and cheers for all you do like you are a superhero?  My mother-in-law has given me so many gifts, one of the biggest is her son but there is more.  She taught me so much and loved me so genuinely, she is a true treasure... how many can say that about their mother-in-law? The list goes on, as do the memories of laughter, tears, pain and joy.

Missionary ladies in Russia.  So wonderful!

Like most people I find that I am drawn to a certain kind of person. It used to end up being people just like me or at least with many similarities. It wasn't until I was forced to share life with someone I never thought I would otherwise be friends with, that I realized how narcissistic I had been.  It wasn't until I opened up my heart and mind to understand the complexities of my friend did I see what treasures I was missing.  I appreciated her perspective her talents, that were so different then my own.  I am pretty sure that we surprised each other as we recognized God's character in the other.  I learned to not trust first impressions, that there is always "the rest of the story" hidden behind what we see at first.
When I think of the hardest lessons I have learned through friendships it can only come back to me, the way I handle disappointments, the grace I grant my friends, which in turn they give to me.  Can I grant her grace in her weakest moments? Can I allow her to be who God made her and encourage her and cheer for her with sincerity of heart. Can I go into a friendship looking for how I can be a friend to her or am I looking for what I can get? That is the key, when you expect what only can be given from a super hero (i.e. Jesus) you set yourself and your friends up for huge disappointment.

Rachel, Sarah, Jean, me and Jessica.  My sister-in-laws and mother-in-law.

I admit friendships at times have been a crutch to me, I would abuse them and use my friends to fulfill some empty part in me that needed approval, validation, or companion to keep me company and entertain me.  God has stripped me a few times in my life of my friendships, and in those times of loneliness taught me to depend on Him and in that way showed me that He was jealous for me. Even so friendships are gifts that give back and make this journey of life easier and sweeter and I have learned to be a better friend in those lonely days by making Him my anchor in life, not others.

Me, Aunt Lynette, Nancy and Jennifer.  Family and missionary friends.

I don't think my friendship lessons are done, and as I anticipate all the new relationships that are in store for me I want to be ready to see with the eyes of God, love with his heart and give the grace that I need for myself.

 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. Proverbs 17:17

 “How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”  Winnie the Pooh

Becca, me, Kerry, and Kirstin.

“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art.... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.  C.S. Lewis