No Room in the Inn

I never thought 2 years ago we would be still searching for a home.  Really, all you have to do is ask my husband and he will tell you the rants he has endured.  I had written a blog post the year we started this new journey about being homeless, before I knew it was going to be a longer journey of homelessness than I thought.  I have come full circle of excited anticipation to confused, angry, frustrated, and back to content and full of anticipation but not in the same way.
I always say I never plan more than a year or so in advance because God usually changes them anyways.  Well my plan was to buy a house in the woods, plant a garden, buy some animals...all good stuff, right? Well, that's not in the cards for me yet.
Thinking about advent and the eve of His birth I am reminded of my Christ who left His home and came to mine.  But he didn't come and land himself in the most comfortable place...it was, frankly, the worst place.  He came and was born in the most humblest places into a humble family.
So this year I recognize that even though this hasn't looked like I thought it would 2 years ago, it has provided for more opportunities to be a part of the bigger picture of reaching everyone with the Good News of Jesus. It is God reminding me that the best things in life are eternal and intangible, that Him landing us right in the heart of this small city might be worth more to me in heaven than whether I had a garden or goats. 
Whatever situation you find yourself in, look for that thing that you didn't see before, pray that you will take in this moment in your life to live it the best and most fulfilling way, focusing not on the seen but the unseen.
I can't imagine how Mary felt through all of this.  I know if it were me I would be complaining and ranting the whole way...maybe the peace that passes all understanding rested on Mary.  Maybe Mary was wiser at the age of 14 then me at the age of 44. If a stable and a manger are my God's choice then what should be mine?
I am thankful for all I have and it is more than enough, I am not in want or need. I am content and my cup runs over with all the best gifts, those unseen ones. I hope I am pouring out all of them to everyone who is in want,
who are poor in spirit even if rich in material wealth.

So today if you find yourself contemplating the story of Christmas, take some time to pause at the thought of "no room in the inn".  Out of all things I never want Jesus to be wanting for room in my inn.  I want my life to be directed by him even when I lay out my own plans, His plans are so much better...richer.  

"While I am in the world, I am the light of the world." John 9:5

From "my" home to yours! 

Unexpected Seasons

A few weeks ago we got hit with 42 inches of snow...but a couple of weeks ago Buffalo, New York got hit with 6 feet of snow!!  SIX FEET!   That is taller than me and colder and whiter...ok, I got off track. The point is, that's a lot of snow!
When we got hit with all this snow I was enjoying the constant scroll of snow pictures on my FB feed.  Some comments under those pictures were from optimistic snow loving people, rejoicing in all the beauty and recounting memories of blizzards gone by.  Then there were the glass half empty people, grumbling about how early and unexpected it was and how terrible it would be for the deer and hunting.
I feel you.  I feel the joy of the school kids getting a snow day and I feel the pain of having to shovel and shovel and shovel...and shovel some more.

Sometimes it's times like these that I start to see the lessons of life from life.  Unexpected seasons can sometimes shake us up.  We like to be able to predict that snow will not show until the day winter starts on the calendar.  Some people would like..say, summer, to last longer than the calendar says.  I would like to put in my request for Autumn to last 4 months long with the brightest colors on those beautiful trees lasting just as long.
If we could control our climate, our working hours, our salary, our vacation time, our life span...our kids attitudes, oh, now it's getting good, oh, wait...our neighbors dogs or our neighbors for that matter.  Uh, huh!  You know you have wanted to.  Guess what?  We are in control of so little in our life, but there is one thing we have complete control of, our attitudes. In other words, our actions and reactions to all the things we can't control or predict.
I have found myself  hit with winter months when I was just enjoying the summer.  I can tell you that my reaction was one of shock, anger and resentment.  I had a choice, not in my circumstances but in how I decided to deal with them. Why would God interrupt a perfectly good season?  Or why would he bring a blizzard to add to the 42 inches I already have to deal with?  Oh, wait...it wasn't really me that the world revolves around?  Well, God did make a world for me and not only did He make this world for me He sent His son to die for me and than His son went back up to heaven to prepare a place for ME.  The God who created the world and holds the storehouses of snow, does not need to explain...our feeble minds cannot fathom his ways.
Solomon had it right when he wrote about times...

"There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

²     a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
³     a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
⁴     a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
  a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
⁶     a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
⁷     a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
⁸     a time to love and a time to hate,    a time for war and a time for peace."  Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

We can't die when we are being born and we cant plant during harvest. So it is December first and the advent season is upon us reminding me of one of the most important things that makes all of life's unexpected happenings bearable.  Jesus.  Whatever season we are in and in whatever circumstances being thankful is always appropriate, always the right response. 

"...give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."
 I Thessalonians 5:18

We just ended our Thanksgiving season and the constant newsfeed of thankful pictures and posts on Facebook are down in numbers again until next fall when they will start to pop up again. Although I welcome these thankful sentiments, my heart says, why not every month...or every day be a day to give thanks.  So if you didn't get your thankful posts in don't worry I am proposing a new trend, let's give thanks everyday and in every circumstance...even when the world says it doesn't make sense. Surrendering control of something that isn't ours makes a whole lot of sense and giving thanks because HE is in control and is good and can make beauty out of ugly is really not for Him but for us.

This week was Pastor appreciation week.  It is one weekend out of the year that the church honors and thanks their pastors.  Since my husband is a pastor, I have the privilege of being included in this honor. It so happens that all the pastors and their families were called up to the front.  Well, my lovely children did not jump up to stand next to us even though they were called up too. Standing there as I have done many times before, I kinda felt like I wanted to be sitting down like the kids and probably not for the same reasons (those rebellious PK's) but because I felt like I really didn't need to be thanked and the honor really goes to God, yet I know that it isn't so much for my husband and me but for the people that we serve. See being thankful is an important posture for us to take, it says, "I am not an island, I need others and others need me and we need Jesus to help us all!"  So there it is...from season to season we have so much more with Jesus than we deserve and being thankful is not just words its a lifestyle that acknowledges the fact that we are not in control but we have a loving God who is, and is there to listen to our hearts joy and pain and give us unimaginable gifts of priceless value that we never knew we needed.
Next time you want to curse at your neighbor, try thanking God for them and praying that He will give you the love you need for them and when you find yourself thrown into a season you weren't ready for, do something radical, thank God and let Him carry you through. The quicker you go to Him the easier "winter" is and the more you can appreciate the beauty of a season filtered through the lens of God's camera.

The Unseen Wounds and a Silent Killer

30 years ago I held my new baby nephew in my arms marveling about what a miracle he was. He was no ordinary baby boy and although, I may be bias, I know those who knew him would whole heartedly agree that he was a pretty amazing kid. Talented and scary smart, he had so much potential to be most anything he wanted. As all well meaning, loving families do, we imagined what he would be when he grew up and being a compassionate boy we thought of all the people he could affect in whatever capacity he decided. Time and years went by and my deep thinking nephew's demeanor and focus seemed to be erratic and full of anxiety.Years heavy with the weight of feeling helpless, his parents were unable to pinpoint the cause of their sons behavior and in his adult years had no power to make him get the medical help they knew he needed.
Mental illness is a reality.  I have been encouraged by the awareness and exposure that I am seeing in the media.  I hope that as a Christian we will not rationalize these real disorders into a spiritual discussion.  As a Christ follower I believe in the power of a mighty God and I believe that He can and will one day heal all our disease and sickness but I also know that when we say cancer or diabetes our knowledge and understanding tell us that sometimes people die and good people are not exempt from these illnesses. No one would say that people cause their own cancer and hinder their own healing. The same needs to be recognized with mental illness. Mental illness goes unseen and misunderstood but has been taking lives for so long under the labels of "troubled" "demonic", "attention seeking" among other things. 1 in 5 people suffer from some form of mental illness.  Suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death in people ages 15-44 and 90% of those are attributed to a form of mental illness.
I cannot and will not point fingers at God or at any person struggling with the weight and burden of a disorder or disease that is the outcome of a dying and sinful world.  Yet we have hope:  For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. (John 3:16)
What can we do to help?  We can do what we can to love without limits, give what we can for those who suffer and not let our ignorance be the defining judgment on any one who finds themselves suffering.  Learn. Love. Give.
I challenge you to take a look at the world around you and LEARN, be aware so that you can help and LOVE in the best, most affective way you can.  GIVE as you can to help in bringing awareness and treatment for the sufferers, they represent our grandmas, brothers, best friends, nephews, sons, granddaughters, ourself.
Two months ago my nephew died.  His struggle with Schizophrenia went untreated and took his life. Although my nephew's face and name go unrecognized to you, he wasn't the only one who died from a mental illness that day, there was another whose face, work, life, and name is recognized by almost everyone, Robin Williams. No one is exempt.
My sister gave a very special, heart wrenching, sincere speech at my nephews funeral. In it she said that when Zach was born the rush of responsibility of not just nurturing physically but spiritually overcame her. Overwhelmed with emotion she wept and asked God to take Zach's new life into His hands. She dedicated her life to doing the best she could to raise him in the full knowledge of the Lord.  Many times Zach chose to turn from God but in the last months of his life he had made it known that Jesus was His hope and nothing was more important to him than that relationship. Scripture was flowing from him, scripture that was hidden deep inside him from all his bible quizzing years. So on that day my sister was able to address everyone at the memorial with a thankful heart to God for the reassurance that she would see him in heaven and when all is said and done that is all that really matters. We wrestle with grief in his absence but are comforted in the thought of a joyful reunion one day.

 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

This is the verse that Zach had posted on his Facebook cover photo a month before he died:

But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed. Isaiah 53:5

Click here to give in honor of my nephew, Zachary Allen Kirk, towards research and help for those who live with mental illness.

I also live in a place that is not unaware of the heartache of loss of life from mental illness, click here to support the documentary being made about Daniel Olson's story.